Santa letters

Hi, my friends. I think many of you have seen this at one point or
another, but I just had to share it again. These are some of the
funniest letters to Santa, and responses, that I’ve ever seen. I hope
they don’t offend anyone. I intend this only as funny, senseless
humor.

Happiest of holidays to you all.

Jim

Dear Santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
YeR FReND,
BiLLy

Dear Billy:
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to being a career lawncare
specialist. How ’bout I send you a f**king book so you can learn to
read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger … at
least HE can spell!
Santa
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Dear Santa:
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah:
You’re parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
Santa
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Dear Santa:
I’ve written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please,
I really really want a fire truck this year!
Love,
Joey

Dear Joey:
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I’m gonna torch your house.
You’ll have more fire trucks than you’ll know what to do with.
Santa
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Dear Santa:
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy:
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad’s still having with the
baby-sitter? He’s banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!
Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa:
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan:
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-a**? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some
Toblerone.
Santa
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Dear Santa:
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas:
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses a**es, and losing all my
cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Santa
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Dear Santa:
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re
awake, like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica:
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I’m skipping your house…
Santa
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Dear Santa:
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiny begging s**t  may work with your folks, but that crap don’t
work up here. You’re getting a sweater again.
Santa
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Dearest Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love,
Marky

Mark,
First, stop calling yourself “Marky,” that’s why you’re getting your
a** whipped at school. Secondly, you don’t live in a house, that’s a
low-rent apartment complex you’re living in. Thirdly, I get inside
your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams!
Santa


Jim