Hi, my friends. I think many of you have seen this at one point or
another, but I just had to share it again. These are some of the
funniest letters to Santa, and responses, that I’ve ever seen. I hope
they don’t offend anyone. I intend this only as funny, senseless
Happiest of holidays to you all.
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Iv ben a good boy all yeer.
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to being a career lawncare
specialist. How ’bout I send you a f**king book so you can learn to
read and write? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger … at
least HE can spell!
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody!
You’re parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they?
I’ve written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please,
I really really want a fire truck this year!
Let me make it up to you. While you sleep, I’m gonna torch your house.
You’ll have more fire trucks than you’ll know what to do with.
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
What, and ruin that hot affair your dad’s still having with the
baby-sitter? He’s banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son!
Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the backdoor.
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You
want to be a kiss-a**? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and some
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys?
All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most my time squeezing cocktail waitresses a**es, and losing all my
cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know!
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re
awake, like in the song?
You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I’m skipping your house…
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE
PLEASE could I have one?
That whiny begging s**t may work with your folks, but that crap don’t
work up here. You’re getting a sweater again.
We don’t have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
First, stop calling yourself “Marky,” that’s why you’re getting your
a** whipped at school. Secondly, you don’t live in a house, that’s a
low-rent apartment complex you’re living in. Thirdly, I get inside
your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.